Elvira Kurt...Top 10

SUMMERTIME AND THE TRAVELING IS EASY (WITH THESE GUIDELINES)
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE CROSSING THE BORDER

#10. “Yeah I have something to declare: President Bush is an idiot.”
#9. “I did not say I had a bomb, I said Mariah Carey did.”
#8. “I have no idea how that flyer for the ‘Anal Fisting Weekend’ got into my bag. I told you, my friend and I are just going to my cousin’s wedding. In Provincetown.”
#7. “Of course I’m not trying to stay here illegally, your health care blows.”
#6. “Yes, my bag is full of wigs, make-up and strange costumes, but I’m not a terrorist, I’m a drag queen / I’m a drag king/ I’m Cher.”
#5. “Purpose of my visit? To sell this bag of ecstasy in the Castro. I mean, whale-watching in Monterrey.”
#4. “Are you sure I didn’t meet you at a bathhouse? I never forget a holster.”
#3. “So exactly how many terrorists have you caught with those tough ‘packed your own bags-have they been with you the whole time’ security questions?”
#2. “Oh Mary, just stamp my damn passport and move on.”

And the Number One thing to not say when you cross the border:
“Can you skip right to the cavity search?"